Wash, Rinse, Repeat
We all know what it feels like to be in a reactive, defensive, self-protective place. In Mastering Leadership, Bob & Bill say that shifting from these “reactive tendencies” to “creative competencies” is “the major transition in adult life and leadership.”
This is the work.
In leadership and life we get caught up in reactivity daily, white knuckling our way through meetings, airport lines and disagreements with the people we love.
Here’s what white-knuckling sounds like from the leaders I work with:
I feel like I’m always playing defence
I’m so swamped I can’t come up for air
They’re so swamped I can’t ask them to do it
I’m afraid of what I’ll hear
Having that conversation feels uncomfortable
They don’t respect me
I don’t trust them
Bringing that up in a meeting feels like I’m back in 3rd grade, terrified I have the wrong answer
All below the line, all crunch and contraction, feeling like we’re at the effect of conditions around us. None of this is wrong; it’s just us being human. But if we’re always here, we’re likely exhausted, ineffective and not having very much fun.
So what distinguishes reactive leadership from creative leadership?
Reactive Contracted Leaders:
Focus on what they don’t want: Something’s wrong! There’s a problem! Things shouldn’t be this way!
Commit to their rightness and defending their position
Operate from fear (then blame, criticize, and judge themselves or others)
Believe all the thoughts running through their heads
Avoid or step over hard things
Are on autopilot: they not only don’t read the signs, they don’t see the signs.
Creative Generative Leaders:
Focus on what they DO want
Commit to learning and understanding
Operate from curiosity
Notice but don’t get hijacked by their thoughts
Practice transparency and courage
Are aware and present
When I talk about this distinction with clients, I hear things like: “I’m not creative. I don’t even know what that means.”. In the context of leadership effectiveness it means being generative and expansive—giving our attention to what’s possible.
So how do we use our internal map to navigate from where we are—maybe feeling stuck in a non-stop, reactive cycle—to a more creative, generative place?
To start, practice these 3 things:
Notice: I’m feeling reactive, crunchy (contracted)
Acknowledge: Ahhh! I’m below the line
Pause: Before I say or do anything, I’m going to take a beat
This space we create is where we get to choose how we want to show up in the moment. And making this choice is practicing creative, generative leadership.