Less Hamster. More Elephant.
When I talk to my clients about being below the line, in reactivity, I often ask them, “What’s the fear?” And just as often they say, “What fear? I’m not afraid of anything. Brene Brown says this line is fear. And that the best leaders aren’t free of fear, they just don’t get yanked around by it.
When our fear goes unchecked, we react in maladaptive ways, leaning so heavily on our gifts that they back-fire on us, like this:
Overusing our analytical, problem solving skills, we insist on our rightness, refuse to ask for help, pretend to know when we don’t, and act invulnerable
Overusing our relational, people skills, we choose being liked over being effective, avoid difficult conversations or hard decisions, are indirect and don’t assert what we want and need
Overusing our ability to get results, we micro-manage, don’t delegate, and run over others to get the results we want
If we’re reacting unconsciously to the conditions around us and weaponizing our greatest gifts, we’re likely in a cycle of ineffective behavior. There’s a trigger (problem!)—we react (Fight! Or Flight!)—the threat recedes (so we think the challenge is resolved)—we go back to our set point (we feel “deactivated”) until the next trigger. When this cycle becomes a habit, we’re spinning like a hamster on a wheel.
So, what spits us out of this cycle?
Curiosity does.
Whether you lead with your head, your heart, your will or some combination, here’s what the shift to curiosity looks like and how the reactive cycle breaks toward creative leadership:
Head/Intellect Skilled Leaders
What are others seeing that I’m missing?
How is their point of view just as or more valid than mine?
How can I advocate for my position in a way that gets buy-in?
What price am I/my team paying when I withdraw from or withhold in the conversation?
Heart/Relationship Skilled Leaders
How will I have this conversation in a way that’s direct AND maintains connection?
What decisions do I need to make that I’ve been avoiding? How will I communicate my thinking so that the team feels included/heard even if it’s hard?
What behaviors will I practice that are more effective and impactful than people-pleasing?
Results/Execution Skilled Leaders
What is mine to own and what is theirs?
Who can do it 80% as well as me?
In what relationships do I need to rebuild trust?
How does my micromanaging impact the team?
What price am I paying for my “results at all costs” behaviors?
I just learned that elephants are among the most curious animals. They use their trunks to figure stuff out. I bet you don’t have a trunk but you DO have access to curiosity. Give it a go and see what happens.