Let’s Cross the Delaware!

Written By Patty Leeper

Every week I talk to:

  • Stuck Clients

  • Overwhelmed Clients

  • “It is what it is” Clients

We all know what stuck, overwhelmed and defeated feel like. It’s a sense of powerlessness, like we’re at the effect of the circumstances around us. This is not to say everything is in our control. It’s not. In fact most things are out of our control. 

It is to say, however, that we are never powerless. Never ever ever. 

George Washington knew this on Christmas night in 1776 when he crossed the Delaware. In spite of really bad conditions and all the odds against him and his troops, he focused on his purpose and acted decisively. 

Even though we’re never actually powerless, it’s human to believe we are. And this belief is central to when we’re in a victim mindset—having the sense that we’re at the effect of the conditions around us, whether that’s a person, place or thing.

When we’re leading (& living) from victimhood, we’re not wrong or bad. We’re just letting our feelings and thoughts get the best of us. Pure human. 

“If only” thoughts hint that we’re operating from a victim mindset:

  • If only so and so would do X

  • If only the [markets, clients, customers] would do Y

  • If only this meeting wasn’t a waste of my time

  • If only my son would do his homework

The fundamental belief that things should be different has us thinking our success, safety and security live outside of us. And you don’t have to scratch too deep to reveal the fears underneath:

  • I'll look bad/They’ll look bad

  • I’ll fail/We’ll fail

  • I can’t not attend or question it because people will think I’m not a team player or I'll miss out or I’ll hurt someone’s feelings

  • He’ll be destitute

These fear-generated thoughts create all sorts of mischief and can have us dipping into ineffective, reactive leadership: over-controlling, people-pleasing, distancing ourselves. Reactive leadership happens when fear runs the show.  

The Shift to More Effective Leadership (& Living). 

First, the shift doesn’t depend on fearlessness. Fear tells us there’s something important to pay attention to. So we notice it and name it and check the stories that tag along so we don’t get high-jacked by them:

  • What's the fear and what stories am I telling myself based on the fear?

Second, the shift points our attention away from the “problem” (you/us/them/me/it). Here’s why this is important: David Emerald talks about our relationship to “problems” and how our reaction to them often doesn’t stem from the issue we’re facing but from the anxiety and fear the issue stirs in us. It’s a reactivity problem, not a problem problem. 

Third, the shift points us toward what we DO want. This is the start of creative, effective leadership. 

George Washington got his troops (and their horses!) across the Delaware. He was not a victim to his circumstances: the darkness, freezing temperatures, ill-equipped soldiers, a superior foe in every aspect (except grit perhaps). He focused on the outcome he wanted—a surprise attack on the Hessians in New Jersey to turn the war around. 

If he was afraid, he didn’t let it stop him. He got what he wanted and the rest is history. 

So next time you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed or a little defeated, take a deep breath, feel the feels and when you’re ready, ask yourself:

  • What do I want? 

  • Where do I have agency? What can I choose?

  • What would work better?

  • If there were no obstacles, what would I do?

This is the shift and the mark you leave on your personal history depends on it.


The thinking behind these concepts is based on the work of great thought leaders; my work is sharing them with you. Here are the sources if you want to go deeper:

Patty Leeper
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