Let’s Cross the Delaware!
Every week I talk to:
Stuck Clients
Overwhelmed Clients
“It is what it is” Clients
We all know what stuck, overwhelmed and defeated feel like. It’s a sense of powerlessness, like we’re at the effect of the circumstances around us. This is not to say everything is in our control. It’s not. In fact most things are out of our control.
It is to say, however, that we are never powerless. Never ever ever.
George Washington knew this. In spite of unrelenting bad conditions around him, he chose to think and act in ways that served his purpose.
Even though we’re never actually powerless, it’s human to believe that we are. And this belief is central to when we’re in a victim mindset—having the sense that we’re at the effect of the conditions around us, whether that’s a person, place or thing.
When we’re leading (& living) under these conditions, below the line, we’re not wrong or bad. We’re just letting our feelings and thoughts get the best of us. Pure human.
“If only” thoughts hint we’re operating from a victim mindset:
If only so and so would do X
If only the [markets, clients, customers] would do Y
If only this meeting wasn’t a waste of my time
If only my son would do his homework
The fundamental belief that things should be different signals victim and a sense that our success, safety and security live outside of us. And you don’t have to scratch too deep to reveal the fears underneath:
They’ll look bad/I'll look bad
We’ll fail/I’ll fail
I can’t not attend or question it because people will think I’m not a team player or I'll miss out or I' hurt someone’s feelings
He’ll be destitute
Reactive leadership happens when fear runs the show.
The shift to Creative Leadership.
First, the shift doesn’t depend on fearlessness. Fear tells us there’s something important to pay attention to. Noticing it and naming it is actually key to the shift. Not getting high-jacked by the stories that attend the fear is also key. So we need to become observers of our hearts and minds: what’s the fear and what stories am I telling myself around the fear?
Second, the shift points our attention away from the “problem” (you/us/them/it). Here’s why this is important: David Emerald talks about our relationship to “problems” and how our reaction to them often doesn’t stem from the issue we’re facing but from the anxiety and fear the issue stirs in us. It’s a reactivity problem, not a problem problem.
Third, the shift requires us to ask ourselves not what we don’t want (the problem!) but what we DO want. This is the start of leading from creativity.
George Washington led his rag tag army across the Delaware on Christmas in 1776. He was not a victim to his circumstances: darkness, freezing temperatures, ill-equipped soldiers, a superior foe in every aspect (except grit perhaps). He focused on the outcome he wanted: a surprise attack on the Hessians in New Jersey to turn the war around.
If he was afraid, he didn’t let it stop him. And the rest is history.
So next time you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, a little defeated, take a deep breath, feel the feels and when you’re ready, ask yourself:
What do I want?
Where do I have agency? What can I choose?
What would work better?
If there were no obstacles, what would I do?
This is the shift—your mark on your own personal history depends on it.